After working with people through conversation, bodywork, somatic therapy, energy healing, lymphatic drainage therapy, nervous system practices, and my own continued study and healing, I’ve come to believe that some of the most important parts of healing happen in the in-between.
Healing doesn’t start when you walk into my practice, or anyone else’s for that matter, and end when you leave. It begins the moment you become interested in healing, and it continues for as long as you remain curious about what you’re discovering.
Before and After Each Session – NOTICE
I’m going to say something that may be controversial. There are certainly many variables to consider, and I don’t subscribe to black-and-white thinking, but I’ll say it anyway:
One of the clearest patterns I’ve noticed in my own work is that people who experience meaningful change tend to consciously participate in their healing between appointments, practices, treatments, or whatever kind of support they’re receiving.
What does that look like? And what does conscious participation mean?
The good and bad news is that the answer to both questions is: it’s different for everyone. It can even be different from one session to the next for the same person.
That’s good news because it means you don’t need to fit into a particular box. You don’t have to force yourself to love journaling or meditating in order to heal.
The potentially frustrating news is that there isn’t one simple, straightforward prescription, as much as I know my clients sometimes wish there were.
Some people respond extremely well to journaling, others to meditation, and still others to exercise, nutrition, or other lifestyle shifts. For someone else, what they need most may be more rest, stronger boundaries, an honest conversation, or simply bringing more joy into their life.
The common thread isn’t what they do. It’s that they remain engaged and committed.
They tend to:
- Follow through on what they’ve decided to try.
- Stay curious about what they discovered about themselves.
- Trust themselves enough to change course when their intuition tells them something different may be needed.
And then there is the other pattern.
Some clients return having completely forgotten what we discussed. They don’t remember the breakthrough they had or what they wanted to try. They haven’t stopped to acknowledge their progress or notice where they’re still struggling. Life got busy, and somewhere along the way, their healing slipped quietly into the background.
Sometimes it feels like they expect me to do the healing for them. And while I understand that impulse, especially when someone is exhausted or desperate to feel instantly better or simply used to putting all their trust into their practitioner, that isn’t really how healing works.
Yes, life is busy. And sometimes forgetting, avoiding, procrastinating, giving away our power to the expert in the room, or becoming overwhelmed may itself be meaningful information.
Earlier in my work, I was more inclined to simply accept that as part of someone’s process. To a certain degree, I still do, but I’ve also witnessed a pattern too consistently to ignore it.
The people who seem to create the most lasting change aren’t necessarily the ones who do everything “right.” They’re the ones who keep returning their attention to themselves and remain active participants in their own healing.
Some arrive with notes because they don’t want to forget something they noticed three days earlier. They experiment with what we discussed and come back saying, “That worked,” “That absolutely did not work,” or “Something unexpected happened when I tried it.” They notice patterns. They ask questions. They disagree with me. They follow a nudge in a completely different direction.
They participate. That doesn’t mean resistance is failure. Resistance is often incredibly interesting. When someone repeatedly “forgets,” becomes too busy, avoids something we discussed, or decides they don’t want to try something, I don’t automatically see that as a problem to correct. I become curious about it.
What is the resistance protecting? Sometimes that question takes us closer to the root than the thing they were resisting in the first place.
The point isn’t to become the perfect client. It’s to stay in relationship with your own healing.
You Don’t Need to Arrive With the Answer
Even when you’re actively participating between sessions, that doesn’t mean you need to arrive having all the answers.
People sometimes show up feeling as though they should be able to explain exactly what’s wrong. Part of my work, though, is helping you articulate what you may be sensing but can’t yet explain.
Perhaps you know you’re exhausted, anxious, or hurting. Your body doesn’t feel right. You’re grieving. Motherhood has changed you, or you’re so busy you haven’t had time to notice much beyond knowing that something feels off. You may simply not feel like yourself anymore.
Sometimes people show up knowing exactly what the problem is. They’ve already tried several approaches and are frustrated that they still don’t feel better. And then comes the question: “I don’t even know what I need anymore. Is that okay?”
Yes, because sometimes it is in surrendering to not knowing that we finally create enough space to discover what may be contributing to the illness, anxiety, pain, or whatever else brought us here.
Human beings do not fit neatly into one box. Stress can affect the body. Physical pain can affect mood. Grief can change sleep, energy, appetite, and relationships. Our experiences influence our nervous systems, and our physical state influences how we experience the world.
You shouldn’t have to diagnose yourself before you walk through a practitioner’s door. You bring the experience. A good practitioner can help you get curious about it.
Tell the Truth, Especially to Yourself
Radical honesty matters whether you’re working with me, another practitioner, a physician, a therapist, or entirely on your own.
And not telling the truth doesn’t necessarily mean lying. It can be much subtler than that.
It can mean withholding something from a practitioner because it doesn’t seem relevant. It can mean minimizing what you’re feeling because other people have it worse. It can mean deciding a treatment must be helping because an expert told you it should. And sometimes it means not admitting something even to yourself because you’re not quite ready to look at it.
A big part of my work is listening deeply and asking questions that may help you uncover or articulate what you’ve been having a difficult time seeing.
Sometimes that realization doesn’t arrive until our session is almost over. There can be beauty in that too.
But you’ll get more from your healing as you become increasingly able to be radically honest with yourself and, therefore, with your practitioner about what is happening within you. This is one reason paying attention between sessions can be so valuable. Rather than spending the beginning of each appointment trying to remember where you left off, you can arrive ready to explore what has happened since.
And yes, this applies to physical healing too, not just emotional or spiritual work. Even clients who come to me for something seemingly straightforward, such as Lymphatic Drainage Therapy while recovering from cancer treatment, benefit from paying close attention to their bodies between sessions and being honest with me about what is and isn’t working for them.
Your practitioner may have expertise you don’t have, but you have expertise they don’t have too: the lived experience of being in your body.
Many of us have spent years learning to minimize our experiences: It’s probably nothing. Other people have it worse. I shouldn’t still be upset about this. This sounds ridiculous. I’m sure these two things aren’t related. I don’t want to complain. The practitioner knows more than I do.
Those little edits can become so automatic that we don’t even realize we’re making them.
Healing asks for something different: not only honesty, but learning to trust what shows up in our thoughts, bodies, emotions, and relationships enough to become curious about it.
That doesn’t mean you have to tell your practitioner everything. You are always in control of what you share, what you explore, and what happens during your care.
It simply means that when something feels important, strange, uncomfortable, emotional, embarrassing, or seemingly unrelated, you don’t have to dismiss it before you’ve had the chance to become curious about it.
Sometimes the detail someone almost doesn’t mention becomes one of the most important pieces of the picture. Sometimes it doesn’t. You don’t have to know beforehand.
That’s the point of curiosity.
The Goal Isn’t For Your Healing to Look a Particular Way
There is no gold star for being an excellent client or patient. You don’t need to meditate every morning. You don’t need the perfect journal. You don’t need to agree to everything your practitioner recommends. You don’t need to understand your nervous system at the level of a neuroscientist, turn every difficult experience into a lesson, and you definitely don’t need to arrive at your session polished, positive, or profound.
Come tired. Come confused. Come hopeful, skeptical, or angry. Come saying, “I don’t know what’s wrong. I just don’t feel like myself.”
We can begin there. Because ultimately, I don’t think healing is about changing who we are.
I think much of healing is about removing what has accumulated between you and yourself: the old patterns, the pain, the expectations, the roles, the stories you’ve inherited or learned to tell about who you’re supposed to be.
And slowly, underneath all of that, recognizing yourself again.
Healing doesn’t usually begin with an answer. It often begins with becoming curious and determined enough to listen, and then continuing to listen after you leave the room.
If something in your life has been asking for your attention, you don’t have to know exactly what it means or what kind of support you need. Begin by noticing. Stay curious, ask questions, pay attention to what changes and what doesn’t. Listen to the people you trust, but keep listening to yourself too.
And when you need support, seek out people who help you do more of that, not less.
If you’d like me to be one of those people, we’ll begin with what you’re experiencing and decide together what feels most supportive.
Sophia Insight offers personalized Integrative Healing, Energy Healing, Lymphatic Drainage Therapy, and Therapeutic Bodywork for women in Honolulu and throughout Oʻahu, with remote healing sessions available across the United States.
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